The 3 most common lies on the internet: 1. I have read and agreed to the terms of service. 2. Status: Offline. 3. I am over 18.

I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.

Clapping the longest during an assembly because you`re a fearless savage.

A good friend would bail you out of prison But a true friend would be sat next to inside saying WOW THAT WAS FUN

It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he’s hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.

When choosing between two evils, i alwayz like to try the one I have never tried before.

The only reason people get lost in thought iz because its unfamiliar territory.

If you can not see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

thinking its funny how,When people talk to God, it’s called prayer. When God talks back, it’s called schizophrenia !!!

I’m actually quite pleasant until I’m awake

I miss you like a retard misses the point.

Putting the laughter back into manslaughter.

Mirrors can’t talk. Luckily for you, they can’t laugh either!

Be nice to your kids, they’ll chose your nursing home.

Adults are just kids with money.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.

My friend told me I lost my sanity, so I told them that you can’t lose what you never had!