I always pray for you that May your life be bright & sunny & your partner be fat & funny… May your life be filled with roses & you have 10 kids with Chinese noses..! hahaha

Dear McDonalds, why are all the people in your commercials thin? Sincerely, highly suspect.

I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.

love to lie down with you roll around on top feel your soft form against my body getting all wet, yep love playing in the snow lol

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan?

Excuse me… do you know which way my status went?

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!

I wanted to be a milkman, but I didn’t have the bottle!

When it snows outside 5% people will go outside and play in it , while 95% make a Facebook status about it. as like you

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

Thinks going back to school would B great if it weren’t 4 all the classes.

people run stop signs, high people wait 4 them to turn green.

The only knowledge that can hurt u is the knowledge u don’t have.

That awkward moment when you’re looking for your phone and it’s in your hand, This is a daily thing for me …

Sitting in the oven doesn’t make you a biscuit…

There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.