The only thing good that can possibly be said about Monday is that it is only four days away from Friday.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

When you keep posting statuses for your new crush & you “EX” keeps like it.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish? Answer: Fry Day

Dad’s writes on son’s Facebook wall: Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

when i was born i was so mad at my parents i didn’t talk to them for two years!

The world was about to end.Kesha said Tik Tok.Usher said OMG!Jay Sean said the sky was falling down,but then Nelly realized it was Just a Dream

When a women says: GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.

If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot.

Clapping the longest during an assembly because you`re a fearless savage.

Boy bought gift for His Girl friend..
GF: What the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: You wanted stars na?
Now sit on it and GET LOST

We all have that one friends who’s laugh is funnier than the joke, and it makes everyone laugh harder than they already were.

I stopped talking back to the voices in my head, and now they’ve started texting me…

Why do people point at their wrist when they want to know the time? I don’t point at my groin when I want to find out where the toilets are..

I am trying to explain to the monsters under my bed that the rent is due .. But they don’t seem to be taking me seriously …

Facebook is said to be working on a check-in feature so that your friends can see your location. Though I think everyone knows, if you

Promoting his new book, President Bush visited the headquarters of Facebook. Unfortunately, he spent the whole visit on Farmville, clearing brush.”

Facebook has passed 500 million members. If Facebook was a country, it would be the third-largest country on earth … and by far the least productive.”

Girls are like phones,
We like to be held and talked too,
But if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!